amazing grace…

Yesterday I got home from my fifth Youth Assembly. As every year I have been changed and moved. I’ve just been asked about the event and discovered that it’s really very hard to describe. Because it’s so unlike anything else. It’s so special and so unique.

When I arrived at the Apex on Friday, with my back-breaking bag, it was like coming home. Home to the faces of the people I love so much, to hugs and to familiar space. I was nervous about being on staff team- I felt inadequate and ill-equipped to serve but at the same time I was incredibly excited at the prospect of the weekend ahead, because I knew that no matter what it was going to be refreshing and life-changing and tiring and hilarious.

And all of those things it was.

What I love the most about youth assembly is that it is so challenging and yet so safe. This year, i learned an incredible amount about God and about myself and about the church to which I belong. I was incredibly moved and challenged by Mark Yaconelli- his talk of the GOOD NEWS, the freeing love of Jesus, the freedom of brokenness and tears was just so honest, so real, so refreshing and healing and yet hard to take. It’s hard to admit to being broken, because for some reason we’re not very accepting of not being OK. But it is ok not to be ok. God uses, loves and frees the broken. We’re all works-in-progress. And freedom is a scary thing. We don’t know the boundaries of freedom. We can go anywhere. Exciting… but terrifying. I’m challenged to accept my tears, to accept God’s incredible love, and to love His people WELL. To listen. To be with people. I was challenged also by the incredible graciousness of the people I met and was reunited with. People at youth assembly really care.  How often do I, do we as a church, care only superficially? What would it mean if we were always genuine carers? If, as Mark challenged us, we really saw people?

I was seen this weekend. I was seen and heard and loved and held. I met God in the hustle and bustle, in the debates, in the people who held me while I cried, who laughed with me, who laughed AT me. In the people with whom I sat up all night, napped, argued, planned, ate, sang, prayed, danced, geek-chatted and pondered. In the broken, imperfect lives which were brought together this weekend I had a glimpse of the Kingdom.

I saw God in the giftedness and the honesty and the love of friends- in Ishbel’s recitation, in Steve’s human library slot, in Ali, Chris and Sarah’s hugs and chat, in Iain’s gentle but firm moderating, in Margaret’s talk in futurechurch, in a late night catch up with Sarah L, in Lynsey’s growing confidence, in Robert’s sadness at it being his last year, in the smiles and hugs from countless people, in Graham’s understanding, in Jane’s incredibly hard work, in the help and support of team futurechurch, in David and Louise’s mental health sessions, in Jamie’s singing, Linda’s staff worship sessions, in the enthusiasm of the presenters, in the hootenanny acts, in David and Maggie Lunan’s attitudes and love, in Jaclyn’s contribution to my futurechurch session, in face-strokes from Rachel, in Ross, Andy,  Katie,Craig, Michael, Andi, and so many other people’s chat and banter, in new friendships, in the growth in some people, in the atmosphere created by every single person there- every one of you, whether I know you or not, added to the grace and the feeling of safety and sanctuary.

Thank you so much. You have all touched my life in a way I cannot put into words. You have shown me God.

I want to be back already. But now I have a year to act upon the countless challenges God’s presented me with this year and to develop these new relationships and the old ones too…

Expect more blogging when I’ve processed this weekend better!