amazing grace…

… that sometimes, life is hard.

That actually, sometimes it hurts.

That sometimes it feels like it ONLY hurts. And that it’s dark and you can’t find the lightswitch. And that sometimes life’s demands get too much, the burden too heavy, your limbs too achey.

Illness is frustrating. It’s a vicious circle of physical and mental pain- you’re tired and you hurt, and you do everything slowly and it’s hard, and you’re stressed and you can’t sleep, and then before you know it your immune system appears to have had a meltdown and you’re coughing and sneezing and can’t stay awake.

And as this continues, you start to become this shadow of yourself, weary and negative and moany, and you’re a burden on your friends and your family. And all you want is to find the lightswitch and find who you really are again. Or who you think you might be, anyway. You get glimmers, when you’re with that friend who completes a part of you, or when you have a burst of energy, or are inspired by words or images or songs. These things are like little prods from God… a reminder that he’s there, I guess. Even in the mess and the brokenness and the grieving and the helplessness.

And with the help of these prods I’ll keep praying…

beauty for brokenness

hope for despair

peace for confusion, hope for the mourners

a gentle hand to wipe away our tears.