(I am sure I posted this on Tuesday. Oops.)
On Thursday, the General Assembly of the Church of Scotland will meet. There’s plenty to say about the issues to be faced, and much of it already has been said. Doubtless, I’ll come back and blog about things as the week progresses, as my church, my people, grapple with issues of forgiveness, of law, of sexuality, of spirituality… Issues of calling, of diversity, of war and peace, of finance… All these things and more have much to offer in the way of debate and of interest- and as we’re all aware, some more than others have already attracted and will continue to be the focus of the world of the media, and, if we’re honest, many of us, too. It’s easy to get caught up in an exciting controversy (and I’m not, here, denying the importance of any issue) and forget that the church still has to go about its business and be church, even when the things we do or say seem dull, or attract no attention. It’s easy, too, to get so impassioned about something that you forget to listen, you forget to think, forget to pray, forget to love. I’m praying for commissioners to this year’s assembly to have time to think, willingness to listen, hearts full of love and to be constantly guided by prayer and hemmed in by the Word.
But as I said, right now I don’t have anything specific to say regarding the individual issues to be debated, fascinating though they undeniably are. My thoughts, perhaps rather selfishly, are at this precise moment reflecting on the fact that I won’t be there. For the first time in three years I’m not a youth rep, and this fact is hurting me more than I thought possible, even though it’s totally my own choice. And why? Not (entirely) because I’m a geek of the highest order. Not because I want to hang out with my COSY friends (though I do). Not even for a touch of mod-stalking. No, the reason I feel so bereft is that General Assembly is, for me, a safe space. Amidst the controversy and the passion, the laughter and the tears, the learning, the anger, the new-found friends, I have over the last few years encountered something special- somewhere to belong and to be accepted, somewhere where I’ve made surprising discoveries about myself and where my love for God and for the church has been nurtured and nourished. I really hope that the Assembly, and indeed the Kirk as a whole, can continue to be (and where it has failed, grow to be), a safe space for other people too- for all people, in fact. There’s something in the sharing of stories, gracious debate, daily worship and conversations over terrible coffee which really captures, for me, what’s important about church. Although to some, GA may seem ridiculously inefficient, archaic, pretentious, stuffy, out-of-touch, I don’t think it is- and I think we’ve got to keep talking, keep disagreeing amicably, keep eating and drinking together and above all keep worshipping our God together, because it’s in those activities that we can discover who we are and who we’re meant to be- as individuals, and together.
I don’t know if this blog makes any sense. It appears to be something of a ridiculous mishmash of the personal and the ecclesial… but it’s something. I’ll doubtless say something more about GA very soon, and perhaps touch more specifically on the issues at hand. For now, though, I wish I could go home.
