amazing grace…

It’s 2010, and so far it feels like a bit of a non-event.

I don’t know what I was expecting. I’m a new-year skeptic. I don’t like hogmanay parties, I don’t really do resolutions. And yet there’s some expectation isn’t there? Some sense every hideous cold depressing January that actually this won’t be the same as the other years. That it’ll be different. That they’ll be different. That I’ll be different.

And yet.

2010 feels much like 2009.

Perhaps resolutions would have been a good idea. Perhaps I need to stop hoping for change and start bringing it about.
Change in politics, in church, in economics, in academia, in relationships…
and perhaps above all change in me.

It’s just that I feel small.
It’s just that I feel scared of failing.
It’s just that I feel inadequate.
That, perhaps, is the change I need most of all.

For until I believe in my ability to change things, my calling to do so, I won’t. I won’t exercise more or work for reform in the church or for peace in the Holy land. Not properly, or not to the extent I could.

So maybe for 2010 the first change to make is to believe in change.